You use the keyboard to control individual digits, the mouse to move you around, and then the mouse buttons to lower your arm onto your patient and to turn your dainty surgeon's wrist. It's your sole means of interacting with Surgeon Simulator's universe - you even have to use it in menus - and it's comically ill-suited to the job. This sort of task should be pretty easy, but there's always that arm to think about. Best of all, though, are the easter eggs scattered throughout the game - including the best playable start screen since Scribblenauts. Since then, the developers have added new assets, a couple of new operations, and an ambulance mode.
Surgeon Simulator 2013 was born out of a demo created for a 48-hour game jam this January. Heart transplant, kidney transplant, a good old brain swap? They all come down to the same thing, really: get drilling, and then get filling.
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It takes place in a strange version of the world where medical school is composed of just two lessons: how to hollow your victim out, and how to stick some new stuff inside afterwards. Surgeon Simulator is a joke game, as it happens, but its joke is a pretty good one. I don't expect you to get it, which is why I helped you out with that exclamation mark. If you don't use it you can always eat it! That's why each post-op wash-up session reads like the granular confession of a rather spirited mass-murderer and why I have to play so many rounds of golf after work. That might explain why, much like John Wilkes Booth, atrocities ensue whenever I enter the theatre. Surgeon Simulator 2013 is an arm simulator - the arm just happens to be attached to a surgeon. After that my scalpel became wedged in a plug socket for a few minutes. And I dropped a Coke bottle into his intestines.
Then his pancreas fell off without me even touching it.
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I tried knocking it free with a coffee cup, but the cup got lodged in there too. I've chiseled your husband's lungs out, but I'm afraid my electric drill got stuck on a kidney.
Still, breaking the news isn't easy, I guess. The hardest part of the job is holding your claw hammer correctly so you can provide enough force to bash a man's ribs to pieces with one blow. It's breaking the news, right? You know: the waiting room, the expectant family, the nervous shuffling of feet. When people find out I'm a surgeon, they always ask me what the hardest part of the job is.
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